Autoportrait #1 (Picking Up Where We Left Off)

Autoportrait of the right hand by a camera obscura—August 2019

I've been thinking a lot about photography lately: Drawing with light—light and shadow. The word for CAMERA comes from the latin for ROOM or CHAMBER—Camera Obscura. When I retired I took up a camera other than my mobile phone for the first time in thirty years and it's become a second language for me. Since November I've only made photographs for this blog and to record Henry in the hospital and in recovery but I'm beginning to see again—observe my surroundings other than my immediate concerns of Henry's progress. Too, I've begun to look at other's photographs as well. I reacquainted myself with Robert Frank and Hervé Guibert. Yesterday I spent a few hours looking at the photographs of Stanley Kubrick who was a great editorial photographer before he made motion pictures. I also like to look at very early work of photographers just emerging in the field during the early years of the 20th Century like Brassaï, Atget, Nadar, and Cartier-Bresson. Henry calls this "getting back to normal" for us: we had a way of living before November 1, 2019 and we loved our lives the way we lived. His goal is to get back us to that state again. He is constantly pushing me to "return to my life". Of course my life these 30 years has been with him and I know that whatever life I have left will be with him. But he's right. It's time to get on with "it" and begin to pick up where it was left off. To that end I'm beginning again to make pictures and catch up on my reading; the book takes a big part of my day but I'm carrying a camera again all the time. As that happens the posts to this site will be a mix of Henry's life—and my life.

Be fierce and thrive...!

—Ph/HOPBELL

A Random Update On Our Lives Now...

A few weeks ago I turned 71. Of course it was meant to be a milestone and celebrated with friends but we opted to delay any celebration until after the quarantine is lifted and people can gather again. Last year when I turned 70 I was joined by my close friends here in Los Angeles and we kicked off what was supposed to be a year of celebrations. Henry and I left for Europe that September and spent a wonderful time with our friends KB and WB there; visiting the little village of St. Agnes and lounging at our hotel in Talamanca, Ibiza; and dancing all night to dawn at Heart. Then we flew to Paris where we spent two weeks with our friends TMT and CD. Henry and I love Paris and he shopped everyday and we explored new neighborhoods discovering little curio shops we never would have seen had we not walked down streets no tourists would. Henry being Henry smelled a fragrance he loved and chased the wearer (a young man on his lunch break) to ask him what he was wearing: we later came upon the little shop that made the perfume. It was a magical time for us. Henry left and I stayed on for another three weeks and began work on a project I had planned during the summer and came back to the US on October 21. I was only home for two weeks before the accident and the rest is recounted here below in the many posts since then...

• • •

I've kept a diary/journal/notebook for over 60 years. My first diary was given to me by my aunt Mary Hopbell Maines: it was one of those My Diary books with a lock and key. I wrote diligently in that little book all my secrets until I used it all up. 

I then bought a composition notebook to continue my daily habit that I've kept up since then. Now I carry little notebooks with me and type my entries every night or early morning into a text program on my computer. Since 1 November 2019 the only topic I write about is Henry and his status and progress. I've only just began writing about anything else like the Coronavirus or the Black Lives Matter protests in last two weeks. This is because Henry's progress is so great and while we have many emotional moments caused by the damage done to his body we also have many joyful and hopeful moments because of the achievement of his goals to get his life back to some new normalcy. This is difficult because of the "Stay Inside" orders here in Los Angeles which has caused an absence of friends but we are having more good times than bad these days.

• • •

Yesterday Henry walked well over a mile and went to the market in our neighborhood and today he is going to his dentist to have a partial dental plate fitted in his mouth which will greatly improve his self esteem. His physical and occupational therapists report he is improving his balance and his stamina. He spends part of every day up and walking and where a month ago he spent most of the day in his bed now he spends most of the day moving about the flat or playing cards with me while sitting in his chair. He is able to make his breakfast and help with the cooking (like teaching me how to make proper collard greens); he can clean up the flat and pull his bed together. These are all activities you and I take for granted but for him it has taken eight long months to achieve. 

His progress is a tribute to his strong desire to heal. I am beginning to feel better about when I am not around him in the flat and he loves his alone time. These eight months have been so difficult and I am grateful to have discovered Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction classes that have given me back my sleep on most nights and eased my anxiety about Henry's well-being. I am so grateful he is alive and I am hopeful that we will soon walk the beaches of Ibiza and dance all night in the clubs there and walk the streets of Paris and enjoy our great friends again.

Be fierce and thrive!

—Ph/HOPBELL

06.13—Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world...

06.12 (From my diary: Beware The Thin Ice)

I'm reading Yeats before bed time as a form of meditation. His words inspire me and pull together my dark thoughts about our country and the pandemic the world is experiencing. 

Turning and turning in the widening gyre

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere

The ceremony of innocence is drowned;

The best lack all conviction, while the worst

Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;

Surely the Second Coming is at hand.

The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out

When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi

Troubles my sight: somewhere in the sands of the desert

A shape with lion body and the head of a man,

A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,

Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it

Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.

The darkness drops again; but now I know

That twenty centuries of stony sleep

Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,

Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

                   —WB Yeats: The Second Coming

On the right is the route Henry walked with his PT today. It's over three quarter of a mile around our neighborhood and through a shopping center, up the escalators and down a steep ramp to our street. He was so excited about the achievement that he cried tears of joy! He and his therapist are very close and the work he is doing is making him stronger and more capable of dealing with the pain both physical and emotional. He is most alive when he is able to take control of his life and get out and about with people. I am an introvert but he needs people to interact with. 

His therapist reported that all along the way during his walk people stopped and talked to him and gave him words of encouragement: one man even made a U-turn on the street in his car to cheer him on. He didn't know any of these people but his soul is such he draws people to him. On our street everyone knows Henry and they see him out practicing walking with the walking frame and his prosthetic every day: they all call out to him and greet him with lots of love and encouragement.

Earlier this week on Monday we went to an appointment with Dr C at CRI. Our friend Tim drove Henry's car and Henry was able to sit in the front seat and get in and out of the car with the help of the walking frame. We used the wheelchair to get him into the offices. After the good meeting with the doctor we went to West Hollywood and went to AAA to get his membership renewed and pickup a Handicap placard. We had a great time waiting in line and seeing all the people out on the street; nearly everyone with a mask. Henry loved being out and about other people. This coming Sunday morning Henry and Tim will venture out to get their hair cut and perhaps go to the beach to sit by the road. These little trips go a long way in keeping his morale positive.

Today his therapist, A came by for a long extra session with him—she also fixed the limb support on his wheelchair. As I type this they are out taking a walk around the neighborhood. 

After he finished his shower we cooked together with him making lemonade and supervising me while I prepared the collard greens for tomorrow (he's the chef). Then we played cards, talking and enjoying each other's company. We met 30 years ago this week and I consider them the best 30 years of my life.

Be fierce and thrive...!

—Ph/HOPBELL

© Ph/HOPBELL Beware The Thin Ice 2019-2020

Be Fierce and Thrive

Henry is fierce and he is thriving. He said to me today that he is happy and his spirits are good. It's evident in his appetite and willingness to participate in the physical therapy on his right leg. He's more talkative too even thought his voice is still weak—but getting stronger thanks to his vocal therapist, Paula.

It's been one month since the accident. He was in ICU for 21 days and in very critical condition for 18 of those days. Today he is thriving and will live and recover from this terrible accident. We are both grateful for you continued love and support.

He looks so handsome: today he got a shave and a good washing. 

Be fierce and thrive!
—Ph/H